Saturday, August 9, 2008
Day Thirty Four
My session is at 7:30A today. Jon cleared out the apartment yesterday. We pack up our stuff to leave the amazing Liberty Hotel, we check out around 10:30A and hit the road. It almost feels like the end…but it’s not…it’s a false sense of completion. Today would have been my last day, but I need to make up the session I missed over the July 4th holiday. So I’m out, but I’m not over…not until Monday. I’m glad for the weekend, I’m glad to see Rachel come home on her last day of camp, I’m glad to be in my own bed, I’m glad to see Jamie, I’m glad I have only one more day left.
Thirty Third Day
Thursday...the thirty third session...the second Photon session of the week (I still have another one to go this week…universe give me strength)…these firewall creating sessions are especially tough. I do very little today because little is all I can do. I want this week to be over. I want this to be over. I want to be home.
Day Thirty-Two
Jon and I checked out of Beacon House and into the Liberty Hotel for the last two days of the last full week of my last few sessions…and today is my last Proton session ever…a day to celebrate. No more mask.
As I lay on the table in my usual immovable strapped to the table way, counting down the four classic rock songs on the radio it takes for the session to end....end forever, I start crying; I’m not entirely sure why…it just happens. I guess I’m relieved, I’m thankful, I’m so tired, and maybe because as happy as I am about this day, I still need to find the strength to make it through the last three Photon sessions.
After my last Proton session, Jon and I decide to celebrate by heading over to Cambridge to Toscanini’s for some of the Boston area’s best ice cream. I’m not sure about my energy level for this adventure, or how my stomach will receive it, but this day deserves a marker. We decide to take the T two stops on the Red Line, and walk what is supposed to be only three blocks. I think I’m up for this…Oops…we walked in the wrong direction and then had to walk back in the opposite direction. Four blocks turned into more like twelve…not so good for me…this wiped me out. Before radiation , twelve blocks was nothing, now it feels like the 5K. I did not let this energy-sapper dampen my enthusiasm for the best of the best ice creams. I had the Peppermint Stick with the Hot Fudge. It was good in my mouth. My stomach? This was a slightly different story…but it did feel like a small celebration… which was important.
Three more to go.
As I lay on the table in my usual immovable strapped to the table way, counting down the four classic rock songs on the radio it takes for the session to end....end forever, I start crying; I’m not entirely sure why…it just happens. I guess I’m relieved, I’m thankful, I’m so tired, and maybe because as happy as I am about this day, I still need to find the strength to make it through the last three Photon sessions.
After my last Proton session, Jon and I decide to celebrate by heading over to Cambridge to Toscanini’s for some of the Boston area’s best ice cream. I’m not sure about my energy level for this adventure, or how my stomach will receive it, but this day deserves a marker. We decide to take the T two stops on the Red Line, and walk what is supposed to be only three blocks. I think I’m up for this…Oops…we walked in the wrong direction and then had to walk back in the opposite direction. Four blocks turned into more like twelve…not so good for me…this wiped me out. Before radiation , twelve blocks was nothing, now it feels like the 5K. I did not let this energy-sapper dampen my enthusiasm for the best of the best ice creams. I had the Peppermint Stick with the Hot Fudge. It was good in my mouth. My stomach? This was a slightly different story…but it did feel like a small celebration… which was important.
Three more to go.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Day Thirty-One
Sick, sick, sick…just feel like I’m slogging through. I’m worn out. The travel, the sessions, it’s Tuesday (always tough), I feel nauseous almost all the time, and all these things combined, make me depressed. I hope Mr. Dubenschmeimer is feeling as horrible as I’m feeling.
After a slow moving, crappy morning…Jon and I go out for the smallest of walks around the block just so that I can get an airing; shortly after which we head over to Proton for my second to last Proton treatment.
Knowing that I’m so close to the end of the road renews me a bit, and Jon and I decide to check out the 3D Grand Canyon IMAX film; we got free tickets from the Cancer Resource Center…nice perk. The film was great; it was fun to go on a short trip to the Grand Canyon and get out of Boston.
Back to Beacon House, tomorrow’s Proton appointment is at 7:30A…it’s really too early for me…I’m not jumping out of bed these days, but they give, and you take…that’s the way it is over here in Radiationland.
Nighty night. May there be no fire drills and may neither Jon nor I slide off of the plasticized mattress during the night.
One more Proton, and 3 more Photon to go.
P.S.-In case anyone was curious, Rachel was able to go to camp today.
After a slow moving, crappy morning…Jon and I go out for the smallest of walks around the block just so that I can get an airing; shortly after which we head over to Proton for my second to last Proton treatment.
Knowing that I’m so close to the end of the road renews me a bit, and Jon and I decide to check out the 3D Grand Canyon IMAX film; we got free tickets from the Cancer Resource Center…nice perk. The film was great; it was fun to go on a short trip to the Grand Canyon and get out of Boston.
Back to Beacon House, tomorrow’s Proton appointment is at 7:30A…it’s really too early for me…I’m not jumping out of bed these days, but they give, and you take…that’s the way it is over here in Radiationland.
Nighty night. May there be no fire drills and may neither Jon nor I slide off of the plasticized mattress during the night.
One more Proton, and 3 more Photon to go.
P.S.-In case anyone was curious, Rachel was able to go to camp today.
Day Thirty
Rachel is too sick to go to camp and I feel bad to leave her, but Jamie and my parents will watch over her and hopefully she will feel good enough tomorrow to resume her normally scheduled program.
Right before Jon and I are about to leave New York to travel to Boston, I got the call…”Heidi, Proton is down today, you’ll have to go to Photon at 4P”. I’m not thrilled about this (I was looking forward to having my second to last Proton session, and then putting that part of radiation behind me), but at least the appointment is only a half hour earlier than my originally scheduled 4:30P Proton…so no big hiccup in the travel plans.
We arrive in Boston at around 2:45…too early to check into the “fabulous” MGH Beacon House and still make it back down the hill for my appointment; we instead opt to park our car and check out the truly fabulous MGH cafeteria. This is no joke, a better hospital cafeteria I’ve never seen, perhaps not a better cafeteria period, except maybe the one at the Museum of Natural History in New York. Been there? If you have, you know what I mean. We’re talking goodness…anything a person might want foodwise…is here. I opt just for a delicious Berry Smoothie, and Jon has a fruit salad…which is unfortunate…one should really come with a bigger appetite than either of us had at that moment.
We pass the time, and an hour later we walk over to Photon. If I didn’t mention it before, Photon is the radiation that creates a firewall around my tumor. Its intention is to kill any stray cancerous tumor cells that may have moved into normal tissue around the tumor itself. I don’t think it’s my imagination, but I generally feel worse after Photon sessions…more tired, more dizzy, more sick…but I tell myself…after this one I only have three more Photon sessions left, and this makes me feels a bit better.
Afterward, we check into Beacon House. Jon has experienced this fine establishment once before, but does't really remember it that well (we were only in the room for about 8 hours when we/he stayed here the last time). We are greeted by both resident dogs, Snowball (I call this dog Meatball), he is a rather rotund all white chihauhau, and Kenya, a very friendly Cockapoo. It’s nice having dogs around…feels more like home. We check into our room, and Jon thinks that my description of the room does not disappoint.
Right before Jon and I are about to leave New York to travel to Boston, I got the call…”Heidi, Proton is down today, you’ll have to go to Photon at 4P”. I’m not thrilled about this (I was looking forward to having my second to last Proton session, and then putting that part of radiation behind me), but at least the appointment is only a half hour earlier than my originally scheduled 4:30P Proton…so no big hiccup in the travel plans.
We arrive in Boston at around 2:45…too early to check into the “fabulous” MGH Beacon House and still make it back down the hill for my appointment; we instead opt to park our car and check out the truly fabulous MGH cafeteria. This is no joke, a better hospital cafeteria I’ve never seen, perhaps not a better cafeteria period, except maybe the one at the Museum of Natural History in New York. Been there? If you have, you know what I mean. We’re talking goodness…anything a person might want foodwise…is here. I opt just for a delicious Berry Smoothie, and Jon has a fruit salad…which is unfortunate…one should really come with a bigger appetite than either of us had at that moment.
We pass the time, and an hour later we walk over to Photon. If I didn’t mention it before, Photon is the radiation that creates a firewall around my tumor. Its intention is to kill any stray cancerous tumor cells that may have moved into normal tissue around the tumor itself. I don’t think it’s my imagination, but I generally feel worse after Photon sessions…more tired, more dizzy, more sick…but I tell myself…after this one I only have three more Photon sessions left, and this makes me feels a bit better.
Afterward, we check into Beacon House. Jon has experienced this fine establishment once before, but does't really remember it that well (we were only in the room for about 8 hours when we/he stayed here the last time). We are greeted by both resident dogs, Snowball (I call this dog Meatball), he is a rather rotund all white chihauhau, and Kenya, a very friendly Cockapoo. It’s nice having dogs around…feels more like home. We check into our room, and Jon thinks that my description of the room does not disappoint.
Weekend Six
Rachel sprouted a cold and I have to try every incantation in the book to see that I don’t get this cold. We spend most of the weekend trying to stay clear from each other…this is sad for both of us…but necessary.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Day Twenty-Eight and Twenty-Nine
MGH Beacon House is no Liberty Hotel…but it does get internet service, it has over 100 channels on TV, the air conditioning works, it has a fridge with a freezer in wich I can keep my most needed cold paks (for my post-radiating headaches), the shower head is high and strong, and it has an elevator. It also has twin hospital beds complete with plasticized mattresses and pillows…in case one is to have an accident. There are “I’ve fallen but can’t get up” buttons near both the bed and the toilet. The towels are more to the exfoliating side than the luxuriating side…as are the sheets. The curtains and bedspreads are the kind that shouldn’t get too close to an open flame (no danger of this though…the stove is quite far away). The building is an elderly apartment building, (an old building with old people). MGH owns 16 of the units for outpatients and/or their people, to use at a defrayed cost. The building is at the top of perhaps the steepest hill in Boston…so walking after radiation is not an option…have to take a cab. I can walk down though. What is most agreeable about this most recent housing is that it is cheap, and it is relatively odorless…and for the next four days it will be fine. Jamie, however, is glad to be staying only two days. Friday will be her last day. Jon will be with me all next week, the first two of which we will spend at this Motel 6 with a twist, the next two and final days we will stay at the Liberty Hotel.
On Wednesday, the first night we spent at Beacon House, Jamie swears she didn’t sleep more than a few hours…I don’t think I did either…the squeaking of the plastic mattress and pillows was distracting.
My sister-in-law Rona drove up on Thursday, she arrived about 6P. We decided to eat dinner at Faneuil Hall, eating a bit of this and a bit of that...you can do this at Faneuil Hall; there are lots of food vendors from which to choose. This is actually a preferred way of eating for me at the moment. I can eat whatever suits me at the time, whatever my stomach thinks it may be accepting of, and I can eat as much or as little of it as I want. It was a nice night, and it seemed like the perfect thing for us all to be doing. Rona stayed in the apartment that night and was happy to do so.
Jamie and I went back to MGH Beacon House. We might have slept well on Thursday night but there was a fire drill in the middle of the night…that’s something that you wouldn’t have at the Liberty (unless of course there was a real fire). At first we didn’t know what it was…actually we still can’t figure out what it was. A bell rang at 5A, it sounded like a fire drill bell. I got up, looked through the peephole, checked the door to see if it was hot, waited to hear if there was any commotion or instructions, and then decided that we would wait for another sign…perhaps a knock at our door or a fire truck. Nothing. We later thought that maybe what we heard was the sound of the alarm being pulled after one of the elderly tenants had fallen off the toilet seat. Exciting times at Beacon House.
Jamie and I got up early on Friday morning after our “fire drill”,...actually I don’t think that either of us was really able to go back to sleep. My Proton appointment was at 8:30A, they took me surprisingly right on time…love when this happens. We took a taxi up to the top of the hill to get back to our “hotel”. Rona was ready to hit the road at 11A, we got home at 3:30P...early enough for me to be able to greet Rachel getting off her camp bus after having her first sleep-away camp experience...so glad to have not missed that, it was a big event in her life...she's been talking about going for years. I feel like I've missed a lot of the summer, I was so glad not to have missed this moment.
Friday was my 29th treatment, 6 more to go, only two of which will be Proton; the last four will be Photon…no mask at Photon…no more mask. I'm getting there.
On Wednesday, the first night we spent at Beacon House, Jamie swears she didn’t sleep more than a few hours…I don’t think I did either…the squeaking of the plastic mattress and pillows was distracting.
My sister-in-law Rona drove up on Thursday, she arrived about 6P. We decided to eat dinner at Faneuil Hall, eating a bit of this and a bit of that...you can do this at Faneuil Hall; there are lots of food vendors from which to choose. This is actually a preferred way of eating for me at the moment. I can eat whatever suits me at the time, whatever my stomach thinks it may be accepting of, and I can eat as much or as little of it as I want. It was a nice night, and it seemed like the perfect thing for us all to be doing. Rona stayed in the apartment that night and was happy to do so.
Jamie and I went back to MGH Beacon House. We might have slept well on Thursday night but there was a fire drill in the middle of the night…that’s something that you wouldn’t have at the Liberty (unless of course there was a real fire). At first we didn’t know what it was…actually we still can’t figure out what it was. A bell rang at 5A, it sounded like a fire drill bell. I got up, looked through the peephole, checked the door to see if it was hot, waited to hear if there was any commotion or instructions, and then decided that we would wait for another sign…perhaps a knock at our door or a fire truck. Nothing. We later thought that maybe what we heard was the sound of the alarm being pulled after one of the elderly tenants had fallen off the toilet seat. Exciting times at Beacon House.
Jamie and I got up early on Friday morning after our “fire drill”,...actually I don’t think that either of us was really able to go back to sleep. My Proton appointment was at 8:30A, they took me surprisingly right on time…love when this happens. We took a taxi up to the top of the hill to get back to our “hotel”. Rona was ready to hit the road at 11A, we got home at 3:30P...early enough for me to be able to greet Rachel getting off her camp bus after having her first sleep-away camp experience...so glad to have not missed that, it was a big event in her life...she's been talking about going for years. I feel like I've missed a lot of the summer, I was so glad not to have missed this moment.
Friday was my 29th treatment, 6 more to go, only two of which will be Proton; the last four will be Photon…no mask at Photon…no more mask. I'm getting there.
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