One day and 2.5 miles down the road from my school experience from yesterday, I sat down to talk about Walking Miles 4 Brain Matters with another school. This I’m happy to say was a whole different story from my initial meeting with the school the day before-the manner, the interest, the respect were all much more compassionate and upbeat. I can describe it only by saying that I was made to feel as though I was a person who was trying to bring awareness to an important cause, instead of a traveling salesman pushing the latest gizmo.
After this positive reaction, I traveled back up the road to talk to someone else at the same school I had had my not so good experience at yesterday. This time I spoke to someone else-this person explained to me that while things were busy at the school, that it was a good thing that I was getting in touch with the school now because of how much planning things take. I did mention to my most “recent person”, that I had spoken to someone at the school that had suggested that I’d be best to contact the school at the beginning of September about my walk on October 1st. My “recent person” went on to say that there are many fundraising events at the school and that waiting until the beginning of September would probably be too long to wait. “Now we’re making sense”, I thought to myself. This person I met with was polite and took the time to listen to what I had to say about Walking Miles 4 Brain Matters. I told him the importance that this particular school had for me, I also explained to him that Brain Matters was prepared to contribute whatever effort was necessary to help make this event come true. He said, “I will look into this further, please call me back in two weeks”. And so I will.
I will call everyone back as I continue to call others for the first time, and visiting others. What have I learned? For schools it seems to be better if you can meet people in person, than on the phone. We’ve sent many, many emails out, and made many phone calls, but nothing has received quicker more immediate feedback than an in-person meeting. We have spent a lot of time trying to find the correct person to talk to; the person you’re talking to may no be the one making the final decision even though they may sound like it-it took a while to figure this out. The lesson continues and so does the road.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Come together, right now!
This has been quite the couple of months. I’ve been building. I’ve been walking. I’ve been working with friends to create a website…to reach out to schools to hopefully get those schools and the students engaged in the cause and the walk…collaborating to design a logo and a business card and thinking about a slogan. I’ve been getting in touch with whomever I’m supposed to get in touch with to fill out the paperwork I’m supposed to fill out. I’m contacting the people, the corporations, the sponsors, the talent, anyone I can to raise awareness for a cause that needs awareness. I’ve had some amazing help through friends and family, and then there has been the other side that has also been equally educational but not as positive…I’ll call it the Darkside. The side that is strangely familiar. The side that reminds me of when after I had my second surgery and was told that my best option was a third surgery, maybe a fourth surgery, but there was no guarantee that any of these surgeries would cure or even help me, and that it was important that I know that with each surgery there was a risk I could actually be weaker and more impaired. I remember asking if there was anything else that may be out there in the world that might be useful or effective for me. Anything? My doctor said that he was sad to say it, but “No, there wasn’t”. This didn’t seem like an option. Moving on…from him seemed like the best option. “I’m not taking NO for an answer seemed like the only option”. I left that negative optionless room on that day that my surgeon and I had that very bubble-bursting conversation (at least that’s how I saw it), and started to research for another option…any other option other than the one I was being given. After much looking, and much help from many of the same people who are helping me put together the Walking Miles 4 Brain Matters event I’m planning now, we found what I felt was a better choice for me. This is when we found Proton Radiation Therapy. My most recent math problem is slightly different, but the arithmetic is the same. As I’m trying to help raise awareness of brain tumors, I’ve come up against one of the same problems I was dealing with at the time I was dealing with my own brain tumor. I recently was calling to get a school on-board for Walking Miles 4 Brain Matters. The call was to one of the first schools we’re planning to stop at in October. The person I spoke to at this one particular school gave me two reasons why they would not be able to commit to participating to our event. Reason number one in the room of “sorry we can’t help you now” was that it was too soon to think about an event that was in October, but that if I called back after the first week in September, just after school started (only three weeks from the day I was to begin walking) that maybe they could help me out at that time. This was not bubbling with enthusiasm nor helpfulness. It also didn’t make sense. I spent many years at school, my daughters went to school, are still in school, generally everything that is done at schools is done way in advance. The rest of this conversation was deflating for additional reasons which I won’t go into, but I suppose the most deflating was the unbelievable lack of support considering that Brain Matters (our non-profit), is willing to do so much of the work, and really only needs the school onboard for promoting the walk within the school. We would supply attention-drawing flyers to the students, the website includes the permission slips and the registration forms, we would do the advertising on the outside etc. Reason number two in the world of “sorry, we can’t help you now”, was that as I was talking to this school official they told me they couldn’t help me because they were too busy promoting Relay for Life at the moment, and could not divert their attention or the student’s attention from that project, to get them involved in anything else. I am familiar with Relay for Life and believe it’s a great cause-it helps raise money for cancer and incorporates cancer survivors into that fundraising-this by all means is a cousin of Brain Matters. I was not looking to get in the way of this cause. My own kids have participated in this cause in the past, and I was fairly sure that the event didn’t take place until the end of June. But time can fly by when you’re having fun, so I asked the person I was talking to when the event was supposed to take place. He told me it was happening at the end of June. He also told me the school had been doing the event for 15 years, which made me think that while I do know Relay for Life does take planning, so much of it at this point has been put into place because it has been going on for that length of time. I said, “today is April 26th (the day we were actually speaking to each other), that’s almost two months away from now, and you can’t talk to me because you feel too busy with regard to an event that is two months away, that makes me concerned about how much you will be able to do when we’re talking to each other again at the beginning of September with only three weeks until the beginning of my walking event. I realize my walk is in October, but all I’m looking for is to know that the school is onboard, and that we can work together to make this happen…waiting until the kids come back at the beginning of September to decide whether or not you will want to be involved, I believe will be too late to get the message out with only three weeks preparation before a decision is made.” I was surprised by this conversation for a few reasons, some obvious, some less than obvious. Before my friends and I thought of the idea of stopping at schools along the route between my hometown and the last town in Boston, we had put out a few “feelers” to schools about our idea. The schools we had spoken to thought the idea was terrific and were eager to help in any way they could. They thought that being able to reach out to kids and make them aware of brain tumors was great, and having a long walking event that stopped at schools would be a good way to bring publicity to the cause. It was because of this eagerness that Walking Miles 4 Brain Matters was created. We believed that their eagerness would be matched by other schools we contacted, and if not eagerness, then at least politeness and if not that, then good will. I find myself wondering if the reason for the difference in enthusiasm is because the schools we talked to before we “molded” the event were private schools, not public schools? I went to public schools my whole life, I participated in UNICEF, participated in other charitable fundraisers, why was this particular school, this particular public school so…for lack of a better word “non-participatory”? Well, when I hung up after that call I thought to myself, “I’m not taking NO for an answer”, not yet…there must be more options, more people to talk to”. It’s possible that if I had accepted the opinion of my doctor back a few years ago, I wouldn’t be here today. I wouldn’t be here complaining about what I don’t feel is not quite right. It may just be that not every school I call this year will be the right school…not for this year anyway. Many of the schools we have called have already shown a significantly different reception than this one school. This specific school I’ve been talking about happens to be particularly meaningful to me. If it doesn’t work out, then I will have to accept it, but certainly not without coming through the windows, if they’re closing the doors. We’ve got to come together right now. Don’t you think?
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Friend of a Friend
A couple of weeks ago I was sick with the flu, I should have gotten the vaccine, but in the past I’ve gotten the vaccine and actually ended up getting the flu anyway. I made an Executive Decision and decided not to have the vaccine this year…wrong decision. Next year I will get the vaccine…next year I’ll be one of the first people to get it. This flu took me down to the mat. First, Rachel got it-this is almost always the case; Rachel goes to High School and is a sponge for maladies, and then the worst part about this for the rest of the family is that she’s a donor-the gifter if you will, of maladies. A week later Rachel was much better…a week later Rachel’s illness had become mine; mine lasted for a month. What was first a flu-became a sinus infection. In the middle of that, Jon also was gifted the malady; he said he hadn’t remembered being that sick since Jr. High School. It was bad, and ironically it was Rachel’s Winter Recess. Jon had taken nine days off…not exactly the vacation we had imagined. At my peak of fluness, a friend of mine called and asked if I would talk to a friend of hers-she told me that her friend’s husband had recently been diagnosed with a glioblastoma. The relativity of life! Here I thought I was feeling horrible. This is a very difficult type of tumor to treat. I wasn’t sure what I would be able to say or do for my friend’s friend, I felt like crap, but I was sure she felt worse, and if it would make her feel better just being able to talk to someone who knew what it felt like to be a person, or to be with a person that had a brain tumor, of course I would listen and try and help. We talked. I don’t know if anything I said was useful. I was frustrated that I wasn’t able to do more. I was also frustrated because during these sick few weeks I had lost valuable Brain Matters time. Time I could/should be using to be able to set up my walk, and to meet with people I had been wanting to meet with…this conversation was just another indication of how much more needed to be done with regard to brain tumor awareness. No tumor patient is exactly like another one…but I lived close enough to this friend of friend’s neighborhood that I knew the neighborhood well enough, and all I could do was pay a visit. Why isn’t there more in the neighborhood?
Then two weeks after that conversation I met with the Director of the Brain Tumor Foundation and I learned something very interesting…the Foundation is making a tremendous push for early detection. I think this is a fantastic idea!
The earlier you find out if you have a tumor, the better the chances for curing that tumor. The smaller a brain tumor is, the easier it is to operate on, with all likelihood the less impactful it will become on very important nerves, the brain itself, etc. Overall, it will just be easier to treat. Without a doubt the people I’ve spoken to through this blog, or because of what I’m about to do, or have been through in my past were surprised to find out that they had a tumor…myself included. You usually don’t know you have a brain tumor until something major happens. One day you might have a seizure, or you don’t remember something very basic like your own name, or you start to hear ringing or buzzing in your ears, or you start seeing double. If you were to have an MRI as a part of regular check-up, the way we do mammograms, this would save lives. I know it would. Twenty years ago, when I was originally diagnosed, the ability, ease and technology to have these tests on a frequent basis did not exist, that is not the case today.
This is a step.
This is action.
To learn more go to www.braintumorfoundation.org
Then two weeks after that conversation I met with the Director of the Brain Tumor Foundation and I learned something very interesting…the Foundation is making a tremendous push for early detection. I think this is a fantastic idea!
The earlier you find out if you have a tumor, the better the chances for curing that tumor. The smaller a brain tumor is, the easier it is to operate on, with all likelihood the less impactful it will become on very important nerves, the brain itself, etc. Overall, it will just be easier to treat. Without a doubt the people I’ve spoken to through this blog, or because of what I’m about to do, or have been through in my past were surprised to find out that they had a tumor…myself included. You usually don’t know you have a brain tumor until something major happens. One day you might have a seizure, or you don’t remember something very basic like your own name, or you start to hear ringing or buzzing in your ears, or you start seeing double. If you were to have an MRI as a part of regular check-up, the way we do mammograms, this would save lives. I know it would. Twenty years ago, when I was originally diagnosed, the ability, ease and technology to have these tests on a frequent basis did not exist, that is not the case today.
This is a step.
This is action.
To learn more go to www.braintumorfoundation.org
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
On A Mission...
A Mission is a responsibility, a duty, a commitment, a life’s work, an undertaking, a journey, an intention, a venture, a purpose, a calling, a pledge
A Mission Statement is supposed to be an official statement of the aims and objectives of a business, but it’s so much more.
I’ve written several mission statements for companies I’ve started, companies I’ve thought of starting, projects I’ve started, or thought of starting-it’s what I’ve had to do, it was a part of what was considered necessary-a part of the process, I never really thought about what a Mission Statement was, just what I needed it to be, what I needed it to accomplish-it needed to be a sales tool and that’s how it was written. It wasn’t until I was writing the Mission Statement for my Non-Profit Corporation, Brain Matters that I realized for the first time the real meaning of that word “mission”. There has never been a Mission Statement that I’ve written that’s been more important to me than the one that I’ve written for this company-it’s because this company is a "mission" for me. It feels like one of the most important things I’ve ever tried to do in my life. This is the Brain Matters Mission Statement…this is my mission, my commitment, my pledge.
Brain Matters has been created to bring awareness to the public about brain tumors; this is a personal mission to me. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor 20 years ago; it turned out to be a cancerous. Since then I’ve had two brain surgeries, and two rounds of radiation. There are advances made in medicine every day. As a patient I have learned that one of the most important things may be that while you’re greatest wish is to be cured, it may be just as important to stay alive long to take advantage of the medical advances that happen in the future until you can be cured. There are many people that don’t get that chance. I was given that opportunity.
As long as I’m physically able, I feel a responsibility to do what I can for those that aren’t as able as I am right now, and to try and do what I can for the cause. It’s for that reason that I intend to be “Walking Miles 4 Brain Matters”. I will walk 250 miles from my house in Port Washington, NY to Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston this October, taking basically the same route that my husband and I took every week when I went for proton radiation therapy at the Mass General Proton Center two years ago. I will walk through the neighborhoods and towns that I passed along the way, reaching out to the people in those towns. The kids at the schools along the route will walk with me and help raise funds and awareness for the Brain Matters cause. Brain Matters is dedicated to making the public aware of brain tumors-not just cancerous tumors, but non-cancerous tumors as well, which can be just as life threatening. We will create a documentary film of this entire walk.
Part of the funds raised by Brain Matters will be donated to Massachusetts General Hospital’s Proton Center. The Proton Center is one of the few Proton Centers in the country; without the center I probably wouldn’t be able to make this walk, perhaps I wouldn't be here today, nor might many other people who have been treated at the Center. Proton Radiation is a very important part of brain tumor therapy. We also intend to donate funds towards medical research for brain tumors. My hope as a patient is that when a person is diagnosed with a brain tumor and their doctor needs to tell them their diagnosis, it doesn’t sound like this… “I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, but you have a brain tumor. Brain tumors are very difficult to treat and we wish we had more options available to you at this time, we will try and do the best we can of course”. This walk and documentary is just the beginning, it’s Brain Matters hope that the walk will become a yearly event, from which many other things will happen.
As I said before, not many brain tumor patients get to live long enough to shine a light on a subject matter that is darker than it should be, and because I’m still here, I feel it’s important to do whatever I can do, to be one of those lights. To me it couldn’t be more personal.
A Mission Statement is supposed to be an official statement of the aims and objectives of a business, but it’s so much more.
I’ve written several mission statements for companies I’ve started, companies I’ve thought of starting, projects I’ve started, or thought of starting-it’s what I’ve had to do, it was a part of what was considered necessary-a part of the process, I never really thought about what a Mission Statement was, just what I needed it to be, what I needed it to accomplish-it needed to be a sales tool and that’s how it was written. It wasn’t until I was writing the Mission Statement for my Non-Profit Corporation, Brain Matters that I realized for the first time the real meaning of that word “mission”. There has never been a Mission Statement that I’ve written that’s been more important to me than the one that I’ve written for this company-it’s because this company is a "mission" for me. It feels like one of the most important things I’ve ever tried to do in my life. This is the Brain Matters Mission Statement…this is my mission, my commitment, my pledge.
Brain Matters has been created to bring awareness to the public about brain tumors; this is a personal mission to me. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor 20 years ago; it turned out to be a cancerous. Since then I’ve had two brain surgeries, and two rounds of radiation. There are advances made in medicine every day. As a patient I have learned that one of the most important things may be that while you’re greatest wish is to be cured, it may be just as important to stay alive long to take advantage of the medical advances that happen in the future until you can be cured. There are many people that don’t get that chance. I was given that opportunity.
As long as I’m physically able, I feel a responsibility to do what I can for those that aren’t as able as I am right now, and to try and do what I can for the cause. It’s for that reason that I intend to be “Walking Miles 4 Brain Matters”. I will walk 250 miles from my house in Port Washington, NY to Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston this October, taking basically the same route that my husband and I took every week when I went for proton radiation therapy at the Mass General Proton Center two years ago. I will walk through the neighborhoods and towns that I passed along the way, reaching out to the people in those towns. The kids at the schools along the route will walk with me and help raise funds and awareness for the Brain Matters cause. Brain Matters is dedicated to making the public aware of brain tumors-not just cancerous tumors, but non-cancerous tumors as well, which can be just as life threatening. We will create a documentary film of this entire walk.
Part of the funds raised by Brain Matters will be donated to Massachusetts General Hospital’s Proton Center. The Proton Center is one of the few Proton Centers in the country; without the center I probably wouldn’t be able to make this walk, perhaps I wouldn't be here today, nor might many other people who have been treated at the Center. Proton Radiation is a very important part of brain tumor therapy. We also intend to donate funds towards medical research for brain tumors. My hope as a patient is that when a person is diagnosed with a brain tumor and their doctor needs to tell them their diagnosis, it doesn’t sound like this… “I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, but you have a brain tumor. Brain tumors are very difficult to treat and we wish we had more options available to you at this time, we will try and do the best we can of course”. This walk and documentary is just the beginning, it’s Brain Matters hope that the walk will become a yearly event, from which many other things will happen.
As I said before, not many brain tumor patients get to live long enough to shine a light on a subject matter that is darker than it should be, and because I’m still here, I feel it’s important to do whatever I can do, to be one of those lights. To me it couldn’t be more personal.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
May They Always Come Back
Oh those rings! I’ve talked about my rings before. I have an engagement ring and a wedding band sitting on the finger these rings are supposed to be sitting on…that is they were sitting there last week, they occasionally leave and decide to sit elsewhere. For instance, in the past I had been concerned that because I was doing somewhat strenuous activities (like twenty years ago), that I might lose my rings, so I put them in a safe little box. I didn’t know that the safe little box would be in an unsafe apartment that would be the victim of a steam pipe explosion. After that explosion, I thought those rings were lost or maybe stolen-I couldn’t find them anywhere; Jon bought me new rings. Five years later when I was clearing out an old box from our old apartment (we didn’t have that much left from that apartment-most everything was contaminated with asbestos, or destroyed, or stolen), I went through this box, and there they were…the other rings…waiting to be found…just resting. Someone (not me), one of the workers that had been hired to clean the building, must have put the little box into this bigger box, not knowing what was inside the safe little box, or maybe they did, and decided to leave them there to rest.
Then a different time, when I was about 8 months pregnant with Rachel, I took off my rings (the newer ones), because my fingers were swollen, and put them in a jewelry box in my closet. I didn’t think much about it. A couple weeks later I looked for the rings but I couldn’t find them. I didn’t think much about it, there was so much going on at the time. Not only was I pregnant-but we were raising the roof on our house and building another floor. The construction was behind schedule-instead of the building being completed by the time Rachel was born, we were just starting to build right before Rachel was born. We were also dealing with the process of hiring a babysitter or nanny because I was only taking off 6 weeks before I went back to work. Jamie was 7 years old at the time, Jon wasn’t loving his job…so maybe, just maybe I hadn’t put those rings in the jewelry box-it was possible. I thought about it, but I wasn’t obsessing over it. Then I got a call from the local Coach store thanking me for my purchases for $500-only problem was I hadn’t made any purchases there. The next day I received a call from my credit card company informing me that I had made $8000 worth of purchases…wrong. Hmmmmmm…. I decided to take a ride to the Coach Store with a picture of my babysitter (she was the only other person besides myself that would have had access to my closet). When I got to the store I asked to see the woman who had called me. She came out from the back of the store, and of course she did not recognize me, but interestingly she recognized my daughter Jamie who had come along on this bit of Secret Agent business with me; she apparently had been with our babysitter on the day the Coach purchase in question had been made. Jamie wasn’t supposed to be driven anywhere without prior permission-guess our babysitter forgot. I showed her the picture of our babysitter, and she confirmed that the picture was definitely the “thankee” that she meant to be calling on the phone the day before my visit. I decided to go to the police the following day. The police couldn’t do anything about the Coach purchase because it was a credit card exchange and that was out of their jurisdiction. But what about those rings? I wasn’t sure if our babysitter might have gone into my jewelry box in her spare time-but it seemed considering the recent information, that it was possible. The police went to her house-she let them inside; they told me afterward that she had piles of bags and boxes-probably from all her shopping sprees. They asked her to accompany them to the Police Station; she answered some questions and was kind enough to produce a pawn slip for my missing rings. What do you know? The rings were missing! They were stolen! So the rings went on another trip and back they came. They could have been sold, but they weren’t. Our babysitter could have chosen to not produce that pawn slip, but she did.
So…last week, I noticed that my increasingly thinner fingers were not holding onto my rings the way I’d like them to, and I wondered if I should have them resized…that day was Wednesday. As I wondered this, I thought it will be easier to decrease the rings, than to increase them, and that while the band for my engagement ring is simple, my wedding band would require a bit of artistry should I need to increase its size after decreasing its size, and would it really be worth it to go through all that, when my fingers might very well expand in the near future. Much thinking was given to this matter. I specifically choose to wear the wedding band on top of the engagement ring because it’s smaller and that way it acts as a stop gap if you will, for the engagement ring, also thinking strictly monetarily, the engagement ring is more expensive than the wedding ring, and all and all, while I’d be sad…very sad if I were to lose them, I’d be much sadder if I were to lose the engagement ring.
Then Thursday came…that’s Laundry Day. It was about five in the afternoon, and I was in the Laundry Room (this is quite a good size room, as rooms go), I casually tossed a pair of jeans from the laundry basket into our front-loading washing machine, and there it went…I could feel the rings moving easily and quickly past my ring finger knuckle. The jeans went into the washer, I looked down at my hand, and I saw the engagement ring teeter-tottering at the tip of my ring finger, and the wedding band was gone. I didn’t hear a sound, I had no idea what direction it may have gone; it didn’t even occur to me that it might have gone into the washer. I was most concerned about a very large drainpipe that sits directly in front of the washer, that’s about four inches wide and infinitely deep. I finished loading what I needed to load, now and then scanning around to see what I could see…seeing nothing. Not Good. I didn’t turn on the washer because I wasn’t sure how this would effect the drainpipe-if water would rise in it, and potentially sweep my wedding band down and or out. I stood for about five minutes in the room, trying to pick up on the energy or the “signs”, as I sometimes do in these situations, and I had a tremendous pull to look directly under the washing machine. I didn’t have a pull to look anywhere else, so I went with that calling. I should mention that the edge of the washer sits about four inches from the deep drain to nowhere. I got down on my knees and looked under the washer…not so slightly under, past lots of lint, fuzz…lots of things, I caught a glimpse of something about five inches back from the edge, that could have been a button, maybe an old toy; it was hard to tell. I reached in, barely able to touch it, and it was my wedding ring. So there it goes again…always coming back. I was very glad to have been reconnected with my friend.
After I put the rings in a place for safe-keeping (I hope), and think about what I should do about wearing them…should I eat more, decrease the size, or hang them from a chain around my neck? I quickly got on the phone and called my Mom and five friends-all people who know the history of my rings. I wanted to find out what meaning they thought this recent ring event had if any…wondering if they thought it meant anything else other than I needed to eat more because my fingers were becoming too thin. The responses were all very “ringlike”. I share these thoughts…to me they represent the magic of the rings and of life. The responses were, “you’re lucky in unlucky situations”, “Jon will always be there for you”, “those rings are meant to always come back to you”, “those rings belong to you”, and lastly from my good friend Cindy, “I think this is a sign, that just like all the other times when your rings left and came back, it’s the sign of a new beginning”. Oh those rings!
Then a different time, when I was about 8 months pregnant with Rachel, I took off my rings (the newer ones), because my fingers were swollen, and put them in a jewelry box in my closet. I didn’t think much about it. A couple weeks later I looked for the rings but I couldn’t find them. I didn’t think much about it, there was so much going on at the time. Not only was I pregnant-but we were raising the roof on our house and building another floor. The construction was behind schedule-instead of the building being completed by the time Rachel was born, we were just starting to build right before Rachel was born. We were also dealing with the process of hiring a babysitter or nanny because I was only taking off 6 weeks before I went back to work. Jamie was 7 years old at the time, Jon wasn’t loving his job…so maybe, just maybe I hadn’t put those rings in the jewelry box-it was possible. I thought about it, but I wasn’t obsessing over it. Then I got a call from the local Coach store thanking me for my purchases for $500-only problem was I hadn’t made any purchases there. The next day I received a call from my credit card company informing me that I had made $8000 worth of purchases…wrong. Hmmmmmm…. I decided to take a ride to the Coach Store with a picture of my babysitter (she was the only other person besides myself that would have had access to my closet). When I got to the store I asked to see the woman who had called me. She came out from the back of the store, and of course she did not recognize me, but interestingly she recognized my daughter Jamie who had come along on this bit of Secret Agent business with me; she apparently had been with our babysitter on the day the Coach purchase in question had been made. Jamie wasn’t supposed to be driven anywhere without prior permission-guess our babysitter forgot. I showed her the picture of our babysitter, and she confirmed that the picture was definitely the “thankee” that she meant to be calling on the phone the day before my visit. I decided to go to the police the following day. The police couldn’t do anything about the Coach purchase because it was a credit card exchange and that was out of their jurisdiction. But what about those rings? I wasn’t sure if our babysitter might have gone into my jewelry box in her spare time-but it seemed considering the recent information, that it was possible. The police went to her house-she let them inside; they told me afterward that she had piles of bags and boxes-probably from all her shopping sprees. They asked her to accompany them to the Police Station; she answered some questions and was kind enough to produce a pawn slip for my missing rings. What do you know? The rings were missing! They were stolen! So the rings went on another trip and back they came. They could have been sold, but they weren’t. Our babysitter could have chosen to not produce that pawn slip, but she did.
So…last week, I noticed that my increasingly thinner fingers were not holding onto my rings the way I’d like them to, and I wondered if I should have them resized…that day was Wednesday. As I wondered this, I thought it will be easier to decrease the rings, than to increase them, and that while the band for my engagement ring is simple, my wedding band would require a bit of artistry should I need to increase its size after decreasing its size, and would it really be worth it to go through all that, when my fingers might very well expand in the near future. Much thinking was given to this matter. I specifically choose to wear the wedding band on top of the engagement ring because it’s smaller and that way it acts as a stop gap if you will, for the engagement ring, also thinking strictly monetarily, the engagement ring is more expensive than the wedding ring, and all and all, while I’d be sad…very sad if I were to lose them, I’d be much sadder if I were to lose the engagement ring.
Then Thursday came…that’s Laundry Day. It was about five in the afternoon, and I was in the Laundry Room (this is quite a good size room, as rooms go), I casually tossed a pair of jeans from the laundry basket into our front-loading washing machine, and there it went…I could feel the rings moving easily and quickly past my ring finger knuckle. The jeans went into the washer, I looked down at my hand, and I saw the engagement ring teeter-tottering at the tip of my ring finger, and the wedding band was gone. I didn’t hear a sound, I had no idea what direction it may have gone; it didn’t even occur to me that it might have gone into the washer. I was most concerned about a very large drainpipe that sits directly in front of the washer, that’s about four inches wide and infinitely deep. I finished loading what I needed to load, now and then scanning around to see what I could see…seeing nothing. Not Good. I didn’t turn on the washer because I wasn’t sure how this would effect the drainpipe-if water would rise in it, and potentially sweep my wedding band down and or out. I stood for about five minutes in the room, trying to pick up on the energy or the “signs”, as I sometimes do in these situations, and I had a tremendous pull to look directly under the washing machine. I didn’t have a pull to look anywhere else, so I went with that calling. I should mention that the edge of the washer sits about four inches from the deep drain to nowhere. I got down on my knees and looked under the washer…not so slightly under, past lots of lint, fuzz…lots of things, I caught a glimpse of something about five inches back from the edge, that could have been a button, maybe an old toy; it was hard to tell. I reached in, barely able to touch it, and it was my wedding ring. So there it goes again…always coming back. I was very glad to have been reconnected with my friend.
After I put the rings in a place for safe-keeping (I hope), and think about what I should do about wearing them…should I eat more, decrease the size, or hang them from a chain around my neck? I quickly got on the phone and called my Mom and five friends-all people who know the history of my rings. I wanted to find out what meaning they thought this recent ring event had if any…wondering if they thought it meant anything else other than I needed to eat more because my fingers were becoming too thin. The responses were all very “ringlike”. I share these thoughts…to me they represent the magic of the rings and of life. The responses were, “you’re lucky in unlucky situations”, “Jon will always be there for you”, “those rings are meant to always come back to you”, “those rings belong to you”, and lastly from my good friend Cindy, “I think this is a sign, that just like all the other times when your rings left and came back, it’s the sign of a new beginning”. Oh those rings!
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010
I may have mentioned this before…in our family we have somewhat of a ritual, every New Year’s Eve we all write on small pieces of paper the things that we felt were great about the year and put them in a small “memory” box with the year written on them so we can look back on those pieces of paper in the following years. We also write on small pieces of paper for that same year what things were bad, and then we put those memories in the fireplace and watch them burn. There’s something quite cathartic about seeing the bad things burn away, giving a fresh start to the new year, with nothing but the good memories left behind; of course this is symbolic, we still have our minds to deal with, but generally it’s a very purifying experience.
The year 2010 has been a difficult year for me and my family, and this year we’ve all said that while we’ve had a few things that we were glad that we had the chance to be able to see and do, and of course we would all like to write down those few things and put them in the box, what we all felt like we wanted to write down about the bad things instead of writing the individual things which seemed too many to write was to just write down 2010 and throw it in the fire. We’re still deciding what we will do, and what will make us feel best. Here are some of the things:
In the box:
We really enjoyed going to Maine this summer, seeing Jamie in Rumors this winter, Rachel is very happy that after many years of wishing she finally got an Apple computer for her birthday. I met some amazing people this year that are helping me make my Non-Profit Brain Matters and the walk I intend to make in October go from a dream to a reality. Jon and I happily spent a beautiful time celebrating our 25th Anniversary at Bedford Post Inn. Jamie interned at Telsey Casting this summer, which she loved so much she wished she could just camp out there overnight. We’re always thankful for our pets, and this year we’re glad for having met Jamey Garfinkle at Pet Sitters, who walks Max four days a week. Jamie has been such a help to me, and a great friend to Max. Lastly, we’re glad that we’re here to see the possibility that 2011 is a better year.
In the fire:
We were supposed to move in December 2009 when the seller of the house that we’re now living in came to visit us at the house we were living in at the time, uninvited two weeks before we were suppose to move into his house and said he didn’t want to move anymore. What? We learned a lot about NY Real Estate law this year. We moved, but not when we had planned, but the people who bought our house still moved into our house, fortunately they rented it to us for a month after they bought it (while they lived elsewhere), then we moved at the end of that month. All our stuff went into storage, we moved in with my parents, including all our pets…just like the old days when I was in High School…NOT. Shortly afterward one of our cars was in a car accident, only we weren’t in it (that was good, I guess), it was hit while parked. Our other car stopped working because it needed a new transmission (bad timing). While the cars were being repaired, I went to LA for a few days, and Jon and Rachel went to Florida. I missed my first flight, and flew out the next day. I started to feel my whole body buzzing-the warning of what would turn out to be seizures that I was to be diagnosed with due to a combination of post-radiation and stress. When I was leaving LA, my return flight was 4 hours delayed. When I returned, it was one thing after another, our dogs were crazy living at my parents, it snowed every other day, we continued to battle it out every day with our “sellers”. At the end of the month I was in the hospital. We closed on the house the beginning of February, but I was unable to go to closing. Our stuff left storage and we moved into the new house without my being there…it took me months after we moved in to find things. Rachel helped tell the movers where things should go once they reached the house. Jamie came home from school to help Jon get things from my parents to the house. I was still trying to figure out my medicine and my seizures. After all this, we dealt with kitchen renovation, painting, I didn’t drive for months, one of our birds died in June, Jamie had stuff, Rachel had stuff, Jon and I had stuff, our dogs had stuff. How could we not have stuff? Goodbye 2010. Here’s to hoping 2011 will be better year, and no worse a year. Happy New Year!
The year 2010 has been a difficult year for me and my family, and this year we’ve all said that while we’ve had a few things that we were glad that we had the chance to be able to see and do, and of course we would all like to write down those few things and put them in the box, what we all felt like we wanted to write down about the bad things instead of writing the individual things which seemed too many to write was to just write down 2010 and throw it in the fire. We’re still deciding what we will do, and what will make us feel best. Here are some of the things:
In the box:
We really enjoyed going to Maine this summer, seeing Jamie in Rumors this winter, Rachel is very happy that after many years of wishing she finally got an Apple computer for her birthday. I met some amazing people this year that are helping me make my Non-Profit Brain Matters and the walk I intend to make in October go from a dream to a reality. Jon and I happily spent a beautiful time celebrating our 25th Anniversary at Bedford Post Inn. Jamie interned at Telsey Casting this summer, which she loved so much she wished she could just camp out there overnight. We’re always thankful for our pets, and this year we’re glad for having met Jamey Garfinkle at Pet Sitters, who walks Max four days a week. Jamie has been such a help to me, and a great friend to Max. Lastly, we’re glad that we’re here to see the possibility that 2011 is a better year.
In the fire:
We were supposed to move in December 2009 when the seller of the house that we’re now living in came to visit us at the house we were living in at the time, uninvited two weeks before we were suppose to move into his house and said he didn’t want to move anymore. What? We learned a lot about NY Real Estate law this year. We moved, but not when we had planned, but the people who bought our house still moved into our house, fortunately they rented it to us for a month after they bought it (while they lived elsewhere), then we moved at the end of that month. All our stuff went into storage, we moved in with my parents, including all our pets…just like the old days when I was in High School…NOT. Shortly afterward one of our cars was in a car accident, only we weren’t in it (that was good, I guess), it was hit while parked. Our other car stopped working because it needed a new transmission (bad timing). While the cars were being repaired, I went to LA for a few days, and Jon and Rachel went to Florida. I missed my first flight, and flew out the next day. I started to feel my whole body buzzing-the warning of what would turn out to be seizures that I was to be diagnosed with due to a combination of post-radiation and stress. When I was leaving LA, my return flight was 4 hours delayed. When I returned, it was one thing after another, our dogs were crazy living at my parents, it snowed every other day, we continued to battle it out every day with our “sellers”. At the end of the month I was in the hospital. We closed on the house the beginning of February, but I was unable to go to closing. Our stuff left storage and we moved into the new house without my being there…it took me months after we moved in to find things. Rachel helped tell the movers where things should go once they reached the house. Jamie came home from school to help Jon get things from my parents to the house. I was still trying to figure out my medicine and my seizures. After all this, we dealt with kitchen renovation, painting, I didn’t drive for months, one of our birds died in June, Jamie had stuff, Rachel had stuff, Jon and I had stuff, our dogs had stuff. How could we not have stuff? Goodbye 2010. Here’s to hoping 2011 will be better year, and no worse a year. Happy New Year!
It's Days Like This
There’s this way of assuming things, taking things for granted, that once you’ve learned that you can’t…you don’t…you won’t, not ever. This not ever taking things for granted is as they say “both a blessing and a curse”, it allows you to appreciate things in a way that you may never have been able to before, but you also are anxious and worried that you may not live long enough to see and do the things you want to be seeing and doing. So it’s with that in mind that I tell my next story…event really. It goes like this:
Jamie (my oldest daughter), who is now in her senior year at the University at Buffalo was recently cast as one of the leads in Neil Simon’s farce “Rumors”. First, it’s hard to believe Jamie is a senior in college. She just started college when I called her to let her know that I was going to have to have another brain surgery. My first brain surgery was when Jamie was a bit over a year old-she doesn’t remember much, if anything at all about that surgery. Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled story.
The three and half years since Jamie started college have flown by in one way, and crept by in another. So much has happened in these years, and yet there have been times we have all wished for certain of those events to move by faster than others. The family has moved, we’ve had pets that have died, more doctors appointments than we can count…these things some how have gone by slowly, but Jamie’s time in college…to us anyway, has gone by quickly.
Jamie has always loved the stage; she loves everything about it. Before she was performing on a stage, she was performing at home. When she was got a bit older, she went to USDAN, a summer theater camp where she met and still stays in contact with other theater loving kids-who have and will go on to pursue careers in theater. I don’t think I can remember happier times for Jamie than the ones when she’s been onstage. Among other roles, she was an excellent Peter Pan at her Junior High School-in fact they still talk about it at that school, and it’s been probably eight years since she’s played that role. This year she was cast as Chris Gorman in “Rumors”. Jon and I booked our flights, our hotel room, Max’s Pet Motel stay. We were in snowy Buffalo a total of 24 hours. Jamie said something, that rang poignantly to me; she said that was probably going to pursue a career in the world of theater, but her intent was not to pursue a career as an actor (that wasn’t what rang poignantly). She said, “you know, I was thinking…this may be my last time on stage!” My feeling is that if she loves it, she will find a way to do it. What’s the saying? Where there’s a will, there’s a way? Even if she doesn’t do it professionally, she can do it locally, or regionally…who knows…passion is an extraordinary thing. I know this first handedly. But still it did leave me with a funny feeling; it felt like sort of an ending, which I guess is somewhat of the same feeling she was feeling in herself. All the more reason I was glad to have been able to make the trip.
The organizing and traveling for this “blink of an eye experience” was so totally worth it. Jamie was magnificent. She looked terrific, she was funny, captivating, of course I missed the fact that she didn’t sing, because I love when she sings, but I was so glad to be able to be there. As I was watching her on stage all I could think was that over these last few recent years I wasn’t sure where I was going to be, or how I was going to be…but here I was…watching her. I will remember this always. I love you Jamie-you’re terrific, and will be terrific at whatever you choose to do.
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