Writing this blog has shown me that there are several small stories that happen within everyone’s day that may be worth telling, but if we don’t write them down, we don’t remember them. So I digress…the townhouse building that I’m staying in has three apartments, one on each floor. I’m on the top floor. There is an old woman (I’m not sure how old though…old starts getting older, as I get older); maybe she is in her early seventies. She seems to be the eyes for the building. I wasn’t there more than a day when she popped out of her apartment to see who I was. I introduced myself to her, told her that I would be staying in the top floor apartment for the next several weeks while I was receiving radiation therapy at Mass General. She had a cast on her leg so I ask her about that…she had apparently tripped on the cobblestone street while coming home one day, and hurt her knee. She tells me she may need surgery, we chat a bit more, we seemed bonded in pain…gave us something to talk about. We exchange our “nice to meet yous”, and say good-bye. I felt that I had passed muster.
The weeks come and go, and we don’t see each other, or should I say I don’t see her…she may be peep-holing me. Then on this past Friday (14th treatment day), I return to the building and she pops out to say hello, but she definitely seems like a woman on a mission. I ask her how her knee is doing. She says she has four more weeks, meaning four more weeks in the cast. She asks me how I am, and I say I have four weeks…meaning I have four more weeks of radiation. She asks me, how my “bloods” are? This catches me by surprise, but maybe this is a topic of conversation between she and her old friends. I say, “My bloods are fine”. So, the conversation seems cordial, and the conversation seems over. But it’s not. She has a pressing matter.
She asks me if I’ve seen her newspaper? I reply, “No, I hadn’t”. I think again that that’s the end of our conversation, but it isn’t. She continues to tell me that her paper is usually delivered right outside the front door, and that for the past few days she has not received it. She is wondering who is taking it. Is she thinking I’m taking her paper? She tells me more. She tells me that she didn’t receive her Sunday paper, and that she thought perhaps that someone had picked it up and gone down to Starbucks on the corner with it; she decided to hobble down to the Starbucks in her cast to check out her theory. When she got there, there was a woman reading a paper, and she told me “she looked very guilty, but I couldn’t prove anything”. I’m not sure where this is going, but I feel the need to tell her “I’m not around on the weekends, I’m only in the building on the weekdays”. This new information is new information. “Oh”, she says, “I didn’t know that”. I have to tell her what I think she wants to ask (I’m going to be living here another four weeks, and don’t want this woman to either be thinking I’m taking her paper, or wasting her time on this theory). I say, “I left the apartment today at 8:15A and there was no paper outside on the stoop, and if you are wondering if maybe I may be taking your paper…I’m not, but I will look out for you to see if I see any guilty looking characters”. She seems satisfied. We say good-bye. I went upstairs to pack up and go home, she went back to spying on the building. As I climb the stairs I think, I’m worried about this tumor in my head, and she’s worried about her newspaper. On another day, at a different time perhaps I would be dwelling on who was stealing my paper…but this is not that time…and that’s life.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Day Thirteen and Foutreen
My friend Leslie and her daughter arrived on Thursday from Long Island to take me, (feels more like rescue me after this week) from Boston and bring me home.
This has been a hard week, both emotionally and physically. I feel sicker this week than I did last, and the novelty of the travel back and forth has worn off. I like Boston, and I love seeing all my friends, but I miss my home and my family, and my stuff. This will be the end of my third week, and I’m ready to cry “Uncle”, hard to think about having another four weeks to go. How much worse can I feel and still keep up this pace? I’m hoping the tide will turn.
After my Friday treatment, I spoke to the Proton nurse, who gave me something for the nausea, (not supposed to make me more tired), and then she said “the worst of the symptoms usually pass after the 20th treatment”. I think “Oy vey, I only just finished my fourteenth, I will hang on for a bumpy ride until the end of next week, when I reach the magical 20th”. I also think “Universe heal my nauseous, tired body”. Please chant with me.
It’s Friday, number 14 treatment is finished, it’s time to pack up and go home. “Leslie, please bring my chariot and wing me home”. I can’t wait.
This has been a hard week, both emotionally and physically. I feel sicker this week than I did last, and the novelty of the travel back and forth has worn off. I like Boston, and I love seeing all my friends, but I miss my home and my family, and my stuff. This will be the end of my third week, and I’m ready to cry “Uncle”, hard to think about having another four weeks to go. How much worse can I feel and still keep up this pace? I’m hoping the tide will turn.
After my Friday treatment, I spoke to the Proton nurse, who gave me something for the nausea, (not supposed to make me more tired), and then she said “the worst of the symptoms usually pass after the 20th treatment”. I think “Oy vey, I only just finished my fourteenth, I will hang on for a bumpy ride until the end of next week, when I reach the magical 20th”. I also think “Universe heal my nauseous, tired body”. Please chant with me.
It’s Friday, number 14 treatment is finished, it’s time to pack up and go home. “Leslie, please bring my chariot and wing me home”. I can’t wait.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Day Twelve
Got together for lunch with two longtime friends from college today. We all went to school at BU. They stayed here, I went back to New York. It was great to see them, it had been a while since we all sat together eating lunch...the dining digs were definitely more upscale than back then, the conversation topics were different, what we ate was different...back then it was more like a Greek Pizza and a 6 pack of beer. There may still be the occasional time to indulge in such a meal, but back then it was more of a regular experience. We all look pretty much the same...a bit older, but it doesn't seem like 30 years older.
I ask both of them if they feel any different than they did back when we were in college together? They each say, "not really, I feel pretty much the same". I think "can that really be true?" Me? I definitely feel different.
Proton at 4P.
I ask both of them if they feel any different than they did back when we were in college together? They each say, "not really, I feel pretty much the same". I think "can that really be true?" Me? I definitely feel different.
Proton at 4P.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Day Eleven
Don't know which is more tiring,...Mondays, when I travel and radiate on the same day, or Tuesdays,...the day after I travel and radiate. There is something about the day after Mondays, that feels like a hangover...sort of a delayed reaction to all the schlepping which is really draining. Tuesdays are starting to feel like a day to just slog through...I really need to take it easy on Tuesdays.
My friend Joe came today, he is the perfect friend for today. He was totally fine with not doing much but eat, talk, and go with me to radiation. Just perfect!
He arrived about 10:45A. Radiation was supposed to be at 2:30P...but I got the call. "The machine is down, would I be able to go to Photon radiation at 3P?" And so I do. Joe and I get there at 3P, we wait until 3:45P, I'm out at around 4:30P. Afterward, I feel that Photon feeling, flush, dizzy, and tired. Joe and I head back to the apartment, we order pizza, we eat in, and afterward we go for a walk. To do what else? To get ice cream. What's a day without ice cream? We walk to Ben & Jerry's...for what else? Chocolate Therapy. It's the "have to have it" flavor of now. The cure to cure all ills. It's a nice walk, the light is low but not dark, the temperature is not the 90 degrees of the day, but instead a cool 80...with a slight breeze. We walk through Boston Public Garden, and see the swan boats, and the fountains and the Paul Revere sculpture, and it's the perfect end to the day.
Joe leaves about 9:30...and I think tomorrow is Wednesday already, two days from Friday, and it's not Monday travel day, or Tuesday...the day after travel day. The week is looking good.
My friend Joe came today, he is the perfect friend for today. He was totally fine with not doing much but eat, talk, and go with me to radiation. Just perfect!
He arrived about 10:45A. Radiation was supposed to be at 2:30P...but I got the call. "The machine is down, would I be able to go to Photon radiation at 3P?" And so I do. Joe and I get there at 3P, we wait until 3:45P, I'm out at around 4:30P. Afterward, I feel that Photon feeling, flush, dizzy, and tired. Joe and I head back to the apartment, we order pizza, we eat in, and afterward we go for a walk. To do what else? To get ice cream. What's a day without ice cream? We walk to Ben & Jerry's...for what else? Chocolate Therapy. It's the "have to have it" flavor of now. The cure to cure all ills. It's a nice walk, the light is low but not dark, the temperature is not the 90 degrees of the day, but instead a cool 80...with a slight breeze. We walk through Boston Public Garden, and see the swan boats, and the fountains and the Paul Revere sculpture, and it's the perfect end to the day.
Joe leaves about 9:30...and I think tomorrow is Wednesday already, two days from Friday, and it's not Monday travel day, or Tuesday...the day after travel day. The week is looking good.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Day Ten
I don't know which is harder...having radiation or traveling to Boston on Mondays and then having radiation. After a long weekend, and just starting to feel a bit less worn out, it's time to hit the road again. This time I'm not driving, I'm training. Jon drives me to the Amtrak station in New Rochelle so that I don't have to hassle with the Long Island Rail Road that I would need to take to get to the Amtrak train...it seems simpler to just board at New Rochelle; it's about 45 minutes from our house in Port Washington. We hit a predictable amount of traffic, but get there well in time for me to use the ticket kiosk (never used this before for Amtrak...in fact haven't taken Amtrak in 30 years), and meet the train. It's seems a bit ridiculous, but I'm sort of nervous. I'm used to driving (I've been making the NY/Boston trip that way for many years), I feel like I'm traveling with the flu. I'm headachey, nauseous, tired,...and this makes me feel vulnerable...so I'm nervous. The train comes, I say good-bye to Jon, and feel like I'm going off to war.
I'm boarding with two bags. One bag contains my laptop, and it's cables, my Ipod and it's cable, my phone, it's charger, my digital camera, and my video camera, and it's cables, some speakers, a couple DVD's, and I'm guessing it weighs about 25 pounds. The other bag is clothes and some sheets, and maybe that weighs about 5 pounds....and believe it or not, I'm traveling light, much of what I need I leave behind in Boston.
I make my way onto the train from the last car; I'm using my Long Island Rail Road experience here, and figure that the last car would be the least crowded. Not true. No seats in this car, and this may be a special car...a car you'd have to pay more for, it's a "Quiet Car"...no cell phones, and the seats seem plush. I walk to the next car. No seats., the next car, no seats. Even though I haven't taken the train for thirty years, (since I was in college), not much seems to have changed with regard to availability...nor the cattle car atmosphere in the "non-special" seat area. I end up walking the entire length of the train with my 30 lbs worth of bags, until I come to a seat in the first car. This also seems to be a "special car",...there are plush seats. The car before this one, had plenty of non-plush seats, but it also had plenty of hot air...no air-conditioning. I thought for a moment about sweating it out here, but after trudging through 7 cars with 30 lbs of bags, this decision was easy. No way!
I collapsed into my seat in the last car, feeling sick and tired, when not too shortly after, the ticket taker came to claim my ticket. Immediately he saw me as a ticket offender. "I'm sorry Ma'am, but this is reserved seating, and you can't sit here...there's plenty of seats in the next car back". I ask, 'Is that the car with plenty of seats, and no air conditioning? Because other than that, I couldn't find any seats, and I've walked the entire length of the train". He rolled his eyes, like I was just the biggest pain in the ass, punched my ticket, and moved on...and here I stayed until it was time for me to get off and meet my friend Barry at the New London station...I stayed in the plush seat section, for the non-plush seat price...but I really had to work for it. I think I prefer to drive.
My friend Barry lives in Florida, but had a wedding in New London. He offered to pick me up at the train station and drive me to Boston (about two hours away), which was great. The train stopped in New London and he was there. I will say this about the train, the route is beautiful, lots of water, and great scenery.
Once we got to Boston I was hugely exhausted, we ate lunch, he escorted me to my Proton session later in the day, we shopped for food for me for the week. We talked, it was great to see him, he left, and I went to sleep. So tiring. What is more tiring than radiation? Traveling and radiation in the same day.
I'm boarding with two bags. One bag contains my laptop, and it's cables, my Ipod and it's cable, my phone, it's charger, my digital camera, and my video camera, and it's cables, some speakers, a couple DVD's, and I'm guessing it weighs about 25 pounds. The other bag is clothes and some sheets, and maybe that weighs about 5 pounds....and believe it or not, I'm traveling light, much of what I need I leave behind in Boston.
I make my way onto the train from the last car; I'm using my Long Island Rail Road experience here, and figure that the last car would be the least crowded. Not true. No seats in this car, and this may be a special car...a car you'd have to pay more for, it's a "Quiet Car"...no cell phones, and the seats seem plush. I walk to the next car. No seats., the next car, no seats. Even though I haven't taken the train for thirty years, (since I was in college), not much seems to have changed with regard to availability...nor the cattle car atmosphere in the "non-special" seat area. I end up walking the entire length of the train with my 30 lbs worth of bags, until I come to a seat in the first car. This also seems to be a "special car",...there are plush seats. The car before this one, had plenty of non-plush seats, but it also had plenty of hot air...no air-conditioning. I thought for a moment about sweating it out here, but after trudging through 7 cars with 30 lbs of bags, this decision was easy. No way!
I collapsed into my seat in the last car, feeling sick and tired, when not too shortly after, the ticket taker came to claim my ticket. Immediately he saw me as a ticket offender. "I'm sorry Ma'am, but this is reserved seating, and you can't sit here...there's plenty of seats in the next car back". I ask, 'Is that the car with plenty of seats, and no air conditioning? Because other than that, I couldn't find any seats, and I've walked the entire length of the train". He rolled his eyes, like I was just the biggest pain in the ass, punched my ticket, and moved on...and here I stayed until it was time for me to get off and meet my friend Barry at the New London station...I stayed in the plush seat section, for the non-plush seat price...but I really had to work for it. I think I prefer to drive.
My friend Barry lives in Florida, but had a wedding in New London. He offered to pick me up at the train station and drive me to Boston (about two hours away), which was great. The train stopped in New London and he was there. I will say this about the train, the route is beautiful, lots of water, and great scenery.
Once we got to Boston I was hugely exhausted, we ate lunch, he escorted me to my Proton session later in the day, we shopped for food for me for the week. We talked, it was great to see him, he left, and I went to sleep. So tiring. What is more tiring than radiation? Traveling and radiation in the same day.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
The Second Weekend
The weekend seemed longer than three days, don't know why, but I'm glad for this time warp. I felt really sick on Friday, better each day that went by...Sunday felt at my bestest...by evening the anxiety sets in about the upcoming week. Neither Jon, nor Jamie will be with me this week, instead I will visited by several friends who will accompany me to my usual haunts. I'm trying to focus on smooth sailing, hassle-free thoughts. May the force be with me.
Day Nine...I just want to get out of town
It's been a long week for a short week. The heat, the scheduling changes, the crowded waiting room, because of the scheduling changes, the traffic coming up to Boston, all the people that are in Boston for some genuine Independence Day fun,...I just feel worn out, and I'm ready to go home.
Jamie and I get to Proton Center at 8:30A, my scheduled time, but do you think they're on time? Nope, that's right, they're behind...but this is relative...they take me at 9:00A. Not so bad...I guess. The mask goes on with ease, I count down four Classic Rock songs (Proton Center plays a Classic Rock station on the radio during treatments), I've figured out how to pace myself according to how many songs have played. Four is the number...this is quite helpful. I'm done. Jamie and I head back to the apartment. I take about 45 minutes to rest before we have to begin to hump our stuff down the stairs and go pick up the car at the garage, which is three blocks away. This rest time is so not enough...but I just want to get out of town.
I go to the garage with one knapsack, and leave Jamie with the key and the rest of the bags (about 4). The plan is that while I am walking over to validate parking and get the car, she will bring the bags downstairs and wait in the ground floor vestibule.
I arrive at the garage, believing that like the couple of times preceding this one, that it will go like "one, two, three pick up sticks". Not today though, today they tell me they can't validate because I'm not in the system, I'm not a patient, and that instead of the $24 I'm prepared to paid, I must pay $120 or I can't get my car out of the lot. "This is absurd" I tell the overly officious parking validator. I've parked here before, I've presented you with the Proton Therapy card that I always present to your co-validators, I've given you my Patient Number..."I'm a patient", I rant. She continues to tell me that I'm not...like I'm pretending to be, so that I can rip the hospital off to the tune of 100 bucks. She becomes exasperated and calls a Customer Service Person, who will take ten minutes to show up...I proceed to melt...I've just been radiated, and it's something like 100 degrees at the parking garage. Finally, the Customer Service God shows up, calls Proton Center, and deigns to validate my parking...but not before he tells me "that from now on, I will need to present a note from my doctor". I just want to get out of town.
Jamie called almost exactly after this parking fiasco had been settled...she was starting to wonder if on the way over to the garage I had passed out on the street. I like the concern, it had been about 40 minutes...in my mind I'm thinking if I had actually passed out, 40 minutes would have been a lot of time to have passed before she called...but enough thought. I just want to get out town. I tell her I'm on my way and will be at the apartment in about five minutes...she's been doing some melting of her own in the hot apartment vestibule. She just wants to get out of town.
We hit the road about 11:30A, on the way we stop at a Ben & Jerry's at one of the highway rest stops, and discovery a flavor we've never before experienced...Chocolate Therapy...just what we both needed. The chocolatiest of chocolate ice creams either of us has ever had...and that's saying a lot. We do hit traffic, but it was not as bad as anticipated. We got home around 4P. So glad week two is over. I look forward to having three days off.
Jamie and I get to Proton Center at 8:30A, my scheduled time, but do you think they're on time? Nope, that's right, they're behind...but this is relative...they take me at 9:00A. Not so bad...I guess. The mask goes on with ease, I count down four Classic Rock songs (Proton Center plays a Classic Rock station on the radio during treatments), I've figured out how to pace myself according to how many songs have played. Four is the number...this is quite helpful. I'm done. Jamie and I head back to the apartment. I take about 45 minutes to rest before we have to begin to hump our stuff down the stairs and go pick up the car at the garage, which is three blocks away. This rest time is so not enough...but I just want to get out of town.
I go to the garage with one knapsack, and leave Jamie with the key and the rest of the bags (about 4). The plan is that while I am walking over to validate parking and get the car, she will bring the bags downstairs and wait in the ground floor vestibule.
I arrive at the garage, believing that like the couple of times preceding this one, that it will go like "one, two, three pick up sticks". Not today though, today they tell me they can't validate because I'm not in the system, I'm not a patient, and that instead of the $24 I'm prepared to paid, I must pay $120 or I can't get my car out of the lot. "This is absurd" I tell the overly officious parking validator. I've parked here before, I've presented you with the Proton Therapy card that I always present to your co-validators, I've given you my Patient Number..."I'm a patient", I rant. She continues to tell me that I'm not...like I'm pretending to be, so that I can rip the hospital off to the tune of 100 bucks. She becomes exasperated and calls a Customer Service Person, who will take ten minutes to show up...I proceed to melt...I've just been radiated, and it's something like 100 degrees at the parking garage. Finally, the Customer Service God shows up, calls Proton Center, and deigns to validate my parking...but not before he tells me "that from now on, I will need to present a note from my doctor". I just want to get out of town.
Jamie called almost exactly after this parking fiasco had been settled...she was starting to wonder if on the way over to the garage I had passed out on the street. I like the concern, it had been about 40 minutes...in my mind I'm thinking if I had actually passed out, 40 minutes would have been a lot of time to have passed before she called...but enough thought. I just want to get out town. I tell her I'm on my way and will be at the apartment in about five minutes...she's been doing some melting of her own in the hot apartment vestibule. She just wants to get out of town.
We hit the road about 11:30A, on the way we stop at a Ben & Jerry's at one of the highway rest stops, and discovery a flavor we've never before experienced...Chocolate Therapy...just what we both needed. The chocolatiest of chocolate ice creams either of us has ever had...and that's saying a lot. We do hit traffic, but it was not as bad as anticipated. We got home around 4P. So glad week two is over. I look forward to having three days off.
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