I just had a moment, more than a moment, a weekend really, where I thought I had lost my blog. This blog is a compilation of stories and thoughts that I’ve written over the last four years…four very intense, life changing years. I have of course saved most of these stories-these words, but the thought of them no longer being out there for other people to read if they wanted to read them made me feel as though part of me had died. I realize that this may seem overly dramatic to some, but these stories and thoughts are “me”, they are not fictional, and the idea of them disappearing, was somehow as though I had disappeared. Also, the thought of having to re-up the entire blog, was another project that I would have to add to my ever increasing “To Do List”, and that too, made me feel like I might just disappear…or need to. There have been days lately, with all that I’m trying to do, that I just wish for one less thing…not one more. The blog had disappeared because it was attached to an old email address that after ten years I had needed to change. I thought that all the accounts, credit cards, and necessary contacts that required the new address…had the new address, but there’s always that one something that falls through the cracks, my blog was the something. Most fortunately, I was able to retrieve it. This retrieval was not easy. They don’t make these things easy. The internet giveth, and it taketh away. It is hard for instance to find an actual person to speak to, instead you are left emailing, which is frustrating and time consuming. These emails are signed with a name, it seems like a person has connected with you, but after enough back and forths, one comes to doubt whether that person actually exists. I was not certain for an entire day if I would be able to retrieve my lost information or just my lost “domain name”. This was a BAD DAY. But, in the end, after very little communication, limited help, and a decent lump of cash…the entire blog was retrieved…name and all. This was an AMAZING DAY. This was the giveth part of the taketh away. This story has been shortened for those that may be reading it, and are patience impaired about such “internet matters”, but I feel the core of it has been conveyed. This event made me think of a few things. It made me think of all that I’ve written and what it’s meant to me. It made me think a bit about how as much as I’ve felt at times (and I’ve mentioned this), that nothing can be better than being able to express your thoughts through words, I have to say that during this most recent “blog event”, where I was virtually forced to write while dealing with my “internet blog problem”, the thing I wanted to do more than anything was to speak my words…yell my words-not write them, and yet writing was all that I was being allowed to do. At times, it’s good to have a voice to one’s words, to be able to convey your supreme unhappiness, anger, and disappointment. This is something that can’t be expressed as fully or as well without…let’s face it, a little bit of volume. Perhaps we want what we want, when we want it. No news flash there, I guess. And lastly, I think of all those words and sayings I’ve read over the years, not just these four years, but the many years that I’ve been dealing with my health issues-the words that I’ve read that have inspired me and motivated me, the words that have helped me feel as though I wasn’t alone, or have given me the impetus to keep on, keepin’ on. These are some of those words:
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door”
-Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
"Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world right in the eye."
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."
"Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength."
-Henry Ward Beecher
"He knows not his own strength that hath not met adversity."
"There is no limit to what you can imagine. And with commitment, with effort, what you can imagine you can become. Put your mind to work for you. Believe that you can do it. The world will tell you that you can't. Yet, in your belief you'll find the strength, you'll find the ability, to do it anyway."
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
"Above all challenge yourself. You may well surprise yourself at what strengths you have, what you can accomplish."
“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”
"No one has ever become poor by giving."
“It is not length of life, but depth of life.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Success comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming”
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world”